What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 01.07.2025 14:08
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Have you ever witnessed political correctness harm someone?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What is so great about Jiraiya?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Who then, do I blame.?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
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As i do to all so called friends.?
Would this be the day?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
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Was to survive, this bastard.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
It was going to be , some day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
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He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
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But it wasn’t much.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Why do some people have loving parents and some do not?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And i lived it daily.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Comes on , in middle age.
I was very sick at this time too.
I will be 64.
I was scared of men, in general
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We all went to grammer schools
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Especially a lifetime of it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When she asked me how she looked .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She married twice! .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I said to her
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Put me off passion for life!!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was in good health!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was 9 years of age.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
So, i spoilt her more .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She wouldn,t have been !
All the time i was locked up.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
He knew the spot.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I have no regrets .
My family never makes their pension either.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I don,t even have a pension.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She loved him until the end.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I was seconnd youngest,
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I write beautiful poetry .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So whats the point in blame.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
This is soul school!.
But, we were locked up after school.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
What did i know ?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I waited trembling.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Ive learnt so much.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
One cannot live in the past .
My life is so biszare .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She found it foreign!.
I think the readers, may guess!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im still living with it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I could never make a relationship work though!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why did i forgive my father ?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were not on the streets..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!